Unhappy and unhealthy marriage life

Posted by jackie_jensen (65 days ago)

I want to divorce. But the only big thing is I have a 4 years old lovely angle. Of course I want to give her a "healthy" family. So that make me still someone's "wife".
My husband is a very selfish man, most of the words from his mouth is I want... I like... I need... I, I, I....not me, not us. I feel bad and not being respect. Yes, we have happy life in the very early beginning, but it is totally over. I keep trying to please him and maintain the family, but he doesn't seems appreciate. Yes, he even has a girl friend(s) and not coming back home to sleep. How about now? I really don't know. Right, he is always home with us, but who will carry a cellphone 24 hours even with sleep? Check SMS in bathroom? A big question mark there! Oh, sleep! We haven't sleep together for 16 months already. Can you believe it? I got an extremely busy work, but he doesn't seems understand. Once he need me to do something, I better sqeeze my time to make it. What a marriage life!!! And where is my life?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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Posted by ribbons (65 days ago)

Yes, indeed, where is your life?

You live with a selfish slob. Can anything be worse?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tigerbay (65 days ago)

You say you are thinking of the child, and healthy home life. I am not sure what you mean by healthy homelife.
If you mean stability, well it sounds like you do not feel you are in a stable relationship, and the child will pick up on these feelings as well.
If you are thinking about role models, then being a badly treated woman, and accepting of a selfish man is not a good thing for your child to see as normal behaviour.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Age of Innocence (61 days ago)

I agree with tigerbay. Actually we could define healthy family life in two ways. In most cases, we think healthy life means stability and holding on, but on the other hand, it does mean a better choice.

The feeling of your little angel does matter, but, um.. personally i think that even a very young girl could feel the problems in her family at least unconsciously..so.. I know it's hard but..do you think it might be a good idea to make you two a new beginning and let your little angel know what the true meaning of healthy family is?After all, a relatively healthy single parent family is better than a unharmonious 2 parents family...
Best wishes to you and your daughter..

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by cara (61 days ago)

two happy, healthy, self-confident parents are far better for your child to grow up around than two parents married to each other. (i'm a daughter of divorce, myself! i was ready for my mum to leave YEARS before she was. it was one of the best days of my life when she finally told us she was leaving my father!)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Elodie (60 days ago)

Agreed with all the above, Jackie, terrible model for your child to see unhappy parents (whoever is at fault) and completely agreed with cara, too! Divorce can be terrible for kids but an unhappy family life will do worse as it will be their model in life.
If you're unhappy and depressed, you will not be able to make your child happy and secure.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by think_positive (60 days ago)

I feel sad to read your story. It just reminds me of my mum's story. Yeah man are very selfish. My dad is just exactly the same. My mum has tried very had to please him just like you doing for your husband. However it still didn't work out as he didn't commit himself in the family and always want a divorce. so they did.

Growing up without a dad doesn't make any difference to me as mum has given me a good education (finished a master degree with honor), love and happiness. She's my best friend and my life.

Hope you can be strong and make the right decision for both your daughter and yourself.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by purplestar (59 days ago)

I do feel sorry to hear that. I agree with the ppl who post the msg. If a kid lives in unhappy family that is not good to the kid too. Maybe the kdi misunderstand all the guy are so bad and the woman sitll accept them... If you still to be with your husband, maybe one day you lose temper to your kid as I saw lots of similar case. Take care.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by cara (59 days ago)

a child learns how to be treated. if your child sees you being "abused" then your child expects that to be the normal way of a relationship. it can take years for your child to learn that there are men out there that treat their partners with respect and love. (i am again speaking from personal experience.)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by wasabigizmobunny (58 days ago)

I think it's better than you get a divorce and become a happier person. It's better for a child to have ONE happy and healthy parent than two unhappy arguing parents.

(I am based in Hong Kong)